The Twelve Days of Spec Fic: Part 3

Am I going for the hat trick? You bet your sweet bippy I am! (The first two iterations of this madness can be found here and here.)

And so, without further ado, I present to you The Twelve Days of Spec Fic, 2019 edition!

On the twelfth day of Spec Fic, my nerd friend gave to me…

Twelve Tales of Terror…

Earlier this year, I reviewed all twelve chapters of the first season of Into the Dark. (In case you missed it, ITD is Hulu/Blumhouse Production’s horror anthology, and it’s currently on its second season.) So, yeah, twelve. BUT, as an added bonus, the twelfth episode of the first season — Pure — just happened to be my favorite, making this entry double trouble!

The first season of Into the Dark is a little hit-and-miss, (real talk: season two so far has been a series of misses. Fingers crossed, they’ll have a hit sooner than later) but the chapters that really succeeded were the ones that had something new and relevant to add to the horror genre. That’s where Pure comes in. You can read my full review here, but long story short, writer/director Hannah Macpherson created a smart, incisive indictment of the ultra-conservative Christian purity movement, and it’s scary and infuriating and wonderful.

Eleven Disney Princesses… Wait, no. It’s twelve. Now I’m hearing it’s fourteen. Fifteen? Help…

So, at the beginning of 2019, there were eleven officially-sanctioned Disney Princesses: Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Ariel (The Little Mermaid), Belle (Beauty and the Beast), Jasmine (Aladdin), Pocahontas, Mulan, Tiana (The Princess and the Frog), Rapunzel (Tangled), and Merida (Brave). On March 21, Maui was proved right and Moana was added to the lineup, bringing the number to twelve. However, it should be noted that, unlike the others, she did not have a coronation at any of the parks, and only some of the Disney Princess merchandise has her in the mix.

What about Anna and Elsa from Frozen and Frozen II? Well, technically Elsa’s a queen, but, as you may have noticed with Mulan and Moana, the title of princess is not necessarily a requirement for entry into the hallowed Disney Princess ranks. For example, see Tinkerbell (Peter Pan) and Jane (Tarzan), former members of the club who were booted. In case you’re wondering, Tinkerbell joined the companion/fairy ranks, and poor Jane simply had a yellow dress. You see, Belle also has a yellow dress and Beauty and the Beast did way better at the box office, so…

And where did I get fifteen? Well, word on the street is that Star Wars fans are petitioning to add Princess Leia to the crew, despite the fact that there are numerous things that would usually preclude her from the honor.

Bottom line: The whole “official” Disney Princess system is appropriately Byzantine, and I’m now a little obsessed with it. If you’d like to join me down this particular rabbit hole, gird your loins and check out this page of the Disney Princess Wiki.

Ten Cornfields Full of Children…

Way back, in 1984, New World Pictures released an adaptation of Stephen King’s short story Children of the Corn. (Looking for the story? Although it was originally printed in Penthouse magazine, it can now be found in Night Shift.) I remember the story fairly well, but the movie didn’t make much of an impact. I remember a lot of redheaded children stalking through corn fields. Bloody scythes. Malachai. It was pretty creepy, in that cheesy, eighties horror movie kind of way, but in no way on par with Stanley Kubrik’s version of The Shining or the TV-movie adaptation of It. (Look, Bill Skarsgard is more than awesome in the recent films, but Tim Curry will always be my Pennywise.)

Children of the Corn, though. Nothing to write home about. Perhaps that’s why they’ve made nine — yes, NINE — sequels, bringing the series total to ten. Do we need that many Children of the Corn movies? Not really. Do we deserve them? Probably.

Nine Years in the Future…

2028. That is the year in which the fictional character Eve Dallas, from J. D. Robb’s In Death series, will be born.

I’m sure that seemed pretty far away when Naked in Death, the first book in the series, was published in 1995, but now it’s right around the corner. Granted, the first book is set in 2058, which does still feel quite far off, but Eve Dallas is one helluva character, and I like the idea of someone as amazing as her being born in the not-so-distant future.

(You might be wondering why there’s an image of Jennifer Carpenter above. If so, check out my rather divisive post here about who I would cast in the main roles should the In Death series ever finally make it to television.)

Anyway, Eve, if there is some crazy multiverse in which you and I both exist and you are reading this, I’m so very sorry for your extraordinarily shitty childhood, and I thank you for your service. Also, say hi to Roarke for me!

Eight Outlandish Tales…

As it currently stands, there are eight books in the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. Note: This is not including the collection of short stories, Seven Stones to Stand or Fall. And while I never made it through the first book, I’m sure the fault lies with me because I know a lot of people who love the haggis out of this series. To be fair, it is a wondrously epic tale of romance, war, time travel, and kilts. Not only that, but Gabaldon does her homework; the historical details are on-point, truly immersing the reader in whatever time Claire happens to be in.

The very popular TV series is only entering its fifth season, but Starz has already ordered a sixth season, and given that the show seems to be keeping pace with the books, so there will more than likely be at least eight seasons, too.

Seven Umbrella-Fueled Disasters…

Counting the in-the-works reboot, there will soon be seven Resident Evil movies. True story: I have never played a Resident Evil game all the way through. Another true story: I have seen the first Resident Evil movie countless times, and one year, on my birthday, I binged all six of the currently existing movies.

Honestly, I cannot explain either of these choices. I do struggle with first-person video games, of which there are more than a few in the game series. That said, I bought the remastered version of Resident Evil 2. For the record, it’s third-person play, and I do plan to finish it at some point. As for the movies, I will argue that the first one is pretty darn good. Granted, I am biased because I love Milla Jovovich in action movies. (Third true story: I own Ultraviolet.) And the series as a whole is still the highest grossing film series based on a video game. However, I will admit that the movies become progressively more nonsensical as the sequel numbers rise. This might be because I haven’t played the games (or read any of the tie-in books), but I suspect that my lack of knowledge isn’t entirely at fault.

Truth is, I don’t care. If Jovovich is in the seventh movie, then you know I’ll be there.

Six Separate Species…

In Star Trek: Enterprise, there are six species of Xindi — one of Enterprise‘s Big Bads. “Wait,” I can hear my fellow Trekkies saying, “there are only five species!” Ah, but you’re forgetting the war that destroyed Xindus. The six species are:

• Xindi-Primate (aka, Xindi-Humanoid)
• Xindi-Reptilian
• Xindi-Arboreal (aka, Xindi-Sloth)
• Xindi-Aquatic
• Xindi-Insectoid
• Xindi-Avians (rendered extinct in the century-long war mentioned above)

This non-imaginative race — I mean, the species are what they say on the label — attack Earth in 2153, killing seven million humans. I won’t include any more specifics for the sake of spoilers, but…well, let’s just say the Xindi aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer.

They’re no Borg, that’s for sure.

Five Terrycloth Towels…

I will be the first to admit that this is a bit of a cheat. After all, Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide series began as a six-part radio play for the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) Radio 4 that first aired in 1978. It wasn’t until a year later that Adams’ iconic book of sci-fi satire, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, was published. The sharp, sardonic book was initially published in the UK — where it sold 250,000 copies in its first three months. Not long after, the book hopped the pond, to be released in the United States.

But the series didn’t end there. Described as “a trilogy in five parts,” Adams eventually wrote and published four sequels: The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (1980); Life, the Universe and Everything (1982); So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish (1984); and Mostly Harmless (1992). Unfortunately, Adams died in 2001, before he could give the book series the lighter ending he thought it deserved. However, in 2008, Adams’ widow — Jane Belson — chose Eoin Colfer (author of the Artemis Fowl series) to write a new final book in the series: And Another Thing… That book was adapted for the radio in 2017, with it’s premiere episode airing on 8 March 2018, exactly 40 years to the day from the first episode of the first series.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has claimed more than one generation of fans and sold over 14 million copies. It has also been adapted for just about every other form of consumable media, to varying degrees of success, and every year, on 25 May, people all over the world celebrate Towel Day. End of the day, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is a classic of the genre, comedic or otherwise, and it more than deserves its place in the spec fic canon.

Four Toy Stories…

Prior to Toy Story 4, I argued on more than one occasion that the Toy Story trilogy was the best/tightest/strongest film trilogy of all time. So, I was understandably nervous when Toy Story 4 was announced. How could they reclaim the magic? How could they possibly beat that moment in the incinerator, or when Andy gives his beloved toys to Bonnie?

MAJOR SPOILERS IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH! If you haven’t seen TS4 yet and don’t want to know how it ends, then please move along to number three.

Well, they did it. Toy Story 4 is every bit as funny and silly and clever and heartbreaking as the rest of the movies in the series. It introduces us to some new, immediately lovable characters: Forky, Bunny and Ducky, Duke Caboom (For Rejan!), as well as reintroducing us to an amazing, independent version of Bo Peep and her sheep — Billy, Goat, and Gruff. Not only that, it has the ending I never knew I always wanted. Sure, having Andy pass his toys on to a little girl who will love the bejesus out of them is a pretty damn good. But, the idea of Woody leaving his friends behind to hit the road with Bo Peep and the others, of him being a matchmaker for toys and kids everywhere, knowing that he’ll never be put aside, never be unloved, never end up in a box on the side of the road or locked up in a glass case, is bittersweet perfection.

Three Hundred and Fifty Million Dollars…

$350.2 million to be exact. That was Frozen II‘s global box-office take for its opening weekend. That makes it the highest-grossing global debut for an animated film, one of the highest-grossing animated films released in the US and Canada outside of summer, and the largest opening for any Walt Disney Animation Studios picture ever.

Granted, the reviews have not been quite as favorable for the sequel as they were for the original, and its staying power/cultural permeability has yet to be determined, but with the full power of the Disney marketing machine pushing it along and Christmas right around the corner, chances are good that Frozen II‘s reign will last for some time to come.

Two Series of Donutella…

Who is Donutella? Well, she and her sweet friends have come to Earth from a planet where sugar is used as energy. One day, Donutella was out roaming the galaxy… You know what? It doesn’t matter. Donutella and Her Sweet Friends are a tokidoki creation, and their blind-box figurines are currently on their second series (which I just so happen to be collecting).

This is more of a two-sided entry. One side being the rise of tokidoki in the United States, and the second being the sudden obsession with blind-box toys and figures. First, tokidoki. Translated, tokidoki means “sometimes” in Japanese, and the company is a “Japanese-inspired lifestyle brand” created by Italian artist Simone Legno in 2005. So, yeah, the company has been around for a while, and maybe I’m a little late to the game, but it seems like just this year that tokidoki has hit some sort of critical mass, suddenly popping up everywhere.

As for the blind-box toy movement, this, too, is not a new thing. However, I have some nephlets between the ages of three and six, and just about every toy they want — from LOL Dolls to LEGO figures, from Shopkins creatures to Grossery Gang monstrosities (this generation’s Garbage Pail Kids) — comes with at least one blind-box component. Making it almost impossible to “collect them all,” unless one’s parents are willing to buy and re-buy the same products over and over in the hopes of coming across the most special/hard-to-find items. It’s diabolical and brilliant, and it’s driving my brother and sisters crazy.

And the final book in The Expanse!

Eight amazing books, six sensational novellas, one bittersweet short story…and a partridge in a pear tree! Sometime in the not-too-distant future, the title and release date for the ninth and final book in the Expanse series will be announced, and the countdown will begin. For me, anyway.

Leviathan Wakes — the first book in the series — was assigned reading for me back in 2011, the year it was released, and I admit to picking it up with a bit of trepidation. Sure, I’ve always been a fan of science fiction, but more so on TV and in film than on the page. My skepticism, however, was short-lived, as I was quickly drawn into the rich, complex world created by Daniel Abraham and Ty Franck (the two men behind the pseudonym James S. A. Corey). At some point, the books and novellas became automatic preorders, a step that I, being broke as a joke, do not take lightly.

The thing is, they’re awesome. The books, the novellas, the short story — all of them, fantastic. Sure, there are some that I like more than others, but there isn’t a truly weak link in the bunch, and that both thrills and terrifies me. Because endings are hard; they can make or break a series, and Corey has set the bar very, very high. And I so I wait, with breath that is bated, for the final book, which, if successful, could make the Expanse the greatest science fiction series of all time.

No pressure, boys.

That’s all, folks! Another year passes and another list completed. What will 2020 bring? Stay tuned to find out.