Silver Screen Resolution, Take Two: The Cabin in the Woods

For my 2018 Resolution Project, I decided to take a page out of Lane’s book and do my own Silver Screen Resolution (hence the Take Two part of the title). There are a lot of movies out there I haven’t seen but feel like I should have, or movies that I’ve simply wanted to see and have yet to get around to it. With a deadline of some kind, now I’ll have to finally make a point to find them, get them, and watch them. My rules for the resolution are slightly different in that:

1. They must be spec-fic (this has not changed).
2. The movie will not be one that is in theaters or that would be part of a Sound Off!
3. They don’t have to be popular — or even something folks have heard about.

But I’ve decided to take my resolution to the next level as well, since I had more than 12 movies on my list that I wanted to see. And since we’re in “Take Two” mode, I might as well up the ante: I will instead be seeing two spec fic movies per month rather than just one. I wanted an equally scary movie for October, and what better way to balance out Evil Dead than with the movie everyone talked about when it first showed in theaters: The Cabin in the Woods.

Mild Spoilers Below

On the surface,his movie seemed like any other group-of-teens-goes-to-cabin-and-die-in-horrible-ways movie. But even I knew something was not right with this film. Or at least extraordinarily different. I heard bits and pieces from people and vaguely remembered the trailer, which clearly showed that someone was pulling the strings. An underground facility of some kind. But you don’t know why. Who they are. What they’re doing. In fact, the movie shows right away that this facility exists; it’s opening scene is a pair of guys that work there acting like it’s another day at work. Which, I suppose, it really is for them. You and I are here to try and figure out just what the hell is going on.

The opening credits kind of give some of it away if you pay attention to the images in blood while the names of producers and such pop up on the screen. Still, I can’t tell you how many times I uttered, “What the fuck?” while watching this movie. I was more fascinated and intrigued than I ever was scared. Some of the jumpscares got me, but I was never freaking out in my chair like I was supposed to (I think?). Although to be fair, it’s hard to be a scary movie when there’s not any creeping tension like other horror movies because you’re just too damned busy trying to discover what these underground facility assholes are up to. Likewise, Chris Hemsworth is in it and you know he’s going to survive because, well, he’s Chris Hemsworth.

Right?

In some ways I was a bit like the jerks in the underground bunker because as the group of future dead teens appeared on the screen I made my mental guesses as to who would survive and who wouldn’t. My prediction was that Marty (the stoner) would die first (which dejected me more and more as he  showed himself the only sensible one in the group), Jules (dumb blonde) would go at some point because tropes (even if this movie was cheekily doing something totally different with classic horror), and after that I wasn’t sure. However, let the record show that I was wrong in so, so many ways. Including the dumb blonde thing — but not for the reasons you might think.

I like you guys, please don’t die. Also, WOLFIE CHILL OUT.

I dig some of the homage moments that this movie tossed in for viewers. The cabin itself looked startlingly like the one from Evil Dead — including a shot of it with the camera near the ground, similar to the low shots from Evil Dead when the evil itself is sweeping along the forest floor. There is a moment when Curt (Hemsworth) is playing with something that looks an awful lot like a puzzle one might solve to summon something horrendous — although this puzzle is a sphere instead of a box as seen in Hellraiser (the reveal on this made me pleased as punch, I will admit). There are all kinds of other goodies as well taken from usual horror films that you can actually see at one point early on in the movie when the facility workers place bets on a whiteboard, some specific (“Twins” sounds like those creepy girls from The Shining) and others more typical horror fare (werewolves, a mummy, and so forth). In fact, looking at a screenshot of it now, they even put “Deadites” on there! …OH SHIT MAYBE IT WAS THE SAME CABIN.

Wait, what the hell are “sexy witches?”

*mind blown*

It’s almost like Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard took a lot of horror movies, put them together, and wondered, “What can we make out of this?” Which, now that I think about it, they probably did. They took a lot of the tropes and asked questions like, “Why would someone do something this stupid?” (like the questions I kept asking during Evil Dead) and answered them in a big way. I love what this movie did and I had a great time watching it. I kept trying to guess what would happen next, and I kept being wrong, which I love. People always use the phrase, “edge of my seat,” but I really was on the edge of mine a few times, leaning forward with an, “OH MAN OH GEEZ” expression on my face when things really got going.

While I do have a few questions, they’re the kind that I’m mostly curious about rather than demanding to know answers in relation to the plot. Such as how often do these facilities perform this practice? It seems to happen on a regular basis to the point that you think people would question where folks disappear to when it comes to that cabin. Though given the kind of power these places have (you find out right at the beginning there are more than one), maybe they have Men in Black-style memory zappers and more. You also would think that they’d worry more when told that yet another facility has gone down. Clearly something isn’t right, and you’d think there would be more questions raised as to just why that is. But hey, I’m just along for the ride.

It’s an excellent movie if you want some horror, something thrilling, a lot of unexpected stuff (ending included), and a good time overall.

Although, in the spirit of Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove (and for those of you who’ve seen both movies or will in the future), I have to ask: Why do you even HAVE that button??

“DON’T SHUT IT OFF. I’m warning you.” – Peter Venkman

Images courtesy IMDB.com