A Discovery of Witches
Editor’s Note: content warning for violence, abuse, and potentially triggering subject matter.
Dating isn’t easy. Anyone who tells you that it is, is either insane or simply not self-aware enough to see all of the potential pitfalls. Seeking a suitable mate for long-term monogamy isn’t nearly as simple a task as the romance novels and movies make it out to be. And, in the era of social media and online dating, where random strangers think it is perfectly acceptable to communicate with you on an extremely personal level, meeting new people becomes even more complicated.
Now, try to imagine what it would be like to date a monster. To be fair, I’m sure that many of us, myself included, have dated monsters. At least, the human variety. But what would it be like to date an actual vampire? Obviously, dating humans can be dangerous, especially if your partner is abusive — physically, emotionally, or psychologically. But we often don’t know how dangerous they are until we begin to see red flags and examples of extreme behaviors. We know that vampires are dangerous. They are monsters of myth and legend. Undead predators who prey on humanity and drink our blood to sustain their unnaturally long lives. So why on Earth would anyone want to date one?
Well, for starters, popular fiction, particularly paranormal romance, has transformed these previously hideous coffin-dwelling monsters into handsome, powerful, wealthy sex symbols who are masters of seduction. And, we don’t have to look too far to find examples of these romantic leads in speculative fiction. Off the top of my head I can name several book series and TV shows that feature handsome vampires as the main cast of characters: The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Twilight Saga, The All Souls Trilogy, the Night Huntress series, True Blood, and the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series, just to name a few.
The Originals
In part one of this blog series, I discussed stalking as a form of foreplay for vampires. I talked about the dangers of stalking in the real world and while it might seem harmless at first glance, for vampires (serial killers) it is the equivalent of hunting their prey. I asked readers to consider a list of questions relating to stalking in general and to their own relationships specifically, to prove my point that stalking is often considered a romantic gesture in vampire fiction, and unfortunately in the real world as well. In romantic vampire fiction, stalking indicates a vampire’s interest in a potential partner. Vampires who climb through windows to watch a woman sleep has become a trope in this genre that readers are to interpret as a sign that the vampire has feelings for her. We are encouraged to believe that those feelings are of a romantic nature, but because vampires drink human blood, we should also consider the possibility that their feelings are of a murderous nature.
In part two of this blog series I talked about the more sinister aspects of seduction and how vampires employ some of the same tactics as narcissists to ensnare their partners and keep them in a constant spiral of feeling like they aren’t enough while seeking constant validation from the vampire. Creating a situation that almost mirrors Stockholm Syndrome, because in most cases, the female protagonist is aware of the danger and potential violence inherent in a sexual relationship with the vampire and ignores all of her instincts to run, nonetheless.
Today, I will be discussing dating in romantic vampire fiction. For many people in the 21st century, dating has become a process by which people use social media to find out more about potential partners. Whether you use dating apps like Bumble, Hinge, Match.com, OkCupid, HER, Grindr, eHarmony, or even Facebook, you are essentially being encouraged to stalk people online in the hopes that they would like to stalk you back. In fact, the dating app Happn uses your GPS location to match you with potential partners who also use the app in close proximity to you during your daily routine. Ten out of ten serial killers give Happn five stars.
Netflix’s You
If you successfully stalk each other for an undermined amount of time, you may actually meet in real life and go on a date. So, in a sense, the behaviors associated with finding a partner have become rather vampiric. Not only is stalking the new normal, but single people have access to multiple partners at any given time. Imagine all the different blood types you could encounter. Unlike the formulaic plot devices by which protagonists meet vampires in romantic vampire fiction, we regular humans have to go on a bunch of dates – some good and some catastrophic – until we are fortunate enough to meet someone worth our time and energy.
Roughly six months ago I decided to stop actively seeking potential partners. Prior to that, I shut down my dating profiles because I needed a break from all the background noise and distractions. I don’t go out often because I’m a single parent and money is tight. Besides, where do single people over forty go to meet people? I don’t want to hang out in bars, and I don’t want random hook-ups. So, rather than focusing on my own dating life, or lack thereof, I spend my time thinking about the dating habits of vampires.
The first two posts in this series focused almost exclusively on the stalking and seduction habits of Matthew Clairmont (All Souls Trilogy) and Edward Cullen (Twilight Saga). Both are excellent examples of inappropriate dating habits, but I thought I would take a break from listing all their bad qualities to focus on two other vampires: Stefan and Damon Salvatore.
The Vampire Diaries
Warning: Spoilers galore for The Vampire Diaries. Read at your own risk.
If you are unfamiliar with the tragic lives and soap opera-level love triangles of Stefan and Damon Salvatore, I suggest that you treat yourself to a Netflix binge of The Vampire Diaries to familiarize yourself with these super complicated and terribly predictable handsome vampires. In the meantime, here’s a brief synopsis: Damon and Stefan are brothers who became vampires after sacrificing their lives to save the life of the woman they both loved. A vampire, she fed them both her blood over the course of several months, so that when they died helping her escape vampire hunters, they both turned. That was back in the 1860s, but the storyline is predominantly set in the modern era with frequent flashbacks to the past.
In the present, both brothers fall in love with the same woman again, who happens to be the doppelgänger of the vampire who turned them. So, as you might imagine there’s a lot of feelings and drama around the relationships between the brothers and this young woman. And since they are both vampires, they are a bit more competitive and territorial when it comes to laying claim to Elena’s heart and body.
When we first meet Stefan Salvatore, by all appearances he seems like a nice guy despite the air of mystery surrounding his enrollment at Mystic Falls High School. He’s the new guy. He’s attractive. He’s well-groomed and probably spends a fortune on hair products. He’s friendly, but a bit aloof. And, he’s seemingly uninterested in making friends with any of his fellow students. That is, except for Elena Gilbert. They have several “accidental” meetings, slowly become friends and eventually start dating.
The Vampire Diaries
We know that Stefan is a vampire, but Elena doesn’t. In fact, Stefan has a lot of secrets. Secrets that would probably keep most women from dating him. For instance, Stefan has a bit of a drinking problem. When he drinks human blood, either straight from the vein, or from blood bags stolen from the local hospital, he develops a bloodlust that turns him into what’s is known as a “ripper.” Instead of feeding from humans, compelling them to forget what happened, and letting them go like most vampires, Stefan feeds on his victims aggressively until he severs their heads. To avoid this bit of unpleasantness, he maintains a steady diet of animal blood, much like the Cullens in the Twilight Saga. The drawback to this diet is that he isn’t as powerful as other vampires which wouldn’t be a problem except vampires love Mystic Falls and they always want to cause trouble when they come to town.
For most of season one, we are led to believe that Stefan is a good guy and the best dating option for Elena even though he is a vampire and deeply in denial about who and what he is. He is masquerading as human to the point that he is lying to himself and therefore turns out to be one of the most dangerous people in Elena’s life.
Things get a little more interesting when Stefan’s older brother, Damon shows up in Mystic Falls. Damon is the bad boy to Stefan’s goody two-shoes, and he thrives on making people believe that he is exactly what his persona projects — dangerous, promiscuous, and devoid of emotions. Stefan and Damon have a lot of bad blood between them and have chosen to stay apart for most of their undead lives. Because of Stefan’s addiction to murder, he refuses to drink human blood and this infuriates Damon. Time and again, Damon tries to convince Stefan that if he learned moderation, he would be able to drink blood like a normal vampire. Damon wants Stefan to embrace his true self and enjoy being a vampire without the need to rip off his victims’ heads.
The Vampire Diaries
I’ve been Team Damon ™ since season one, so as the story unfolds and we become aware of the fact that Damon is the more stable and reliable of the two vampires, I was relieved when Elena began to notice that Damon was the better choice. But he’s still a vampire.
While I rewatched the series recently, I began to take note of all the things Elena willingly does in order to maintain her relationship with Stefan. I’ve had my share of bad relationships, but I can proudly say that I never participated in any of the following activities:
- Drank vampire blood.
- Allowed a vampire to drink my blood.
- Covered up multiple murders.
- Dug a grave to bury a dead body.
- Cheated on my boyfriend with his brother.
- Made a pact with an original vampire behind my vampire boyfriend’s back.
- Allowed a vampire to compel my family members and friends for their “safety.”
- Shared a bed with a known serial killer.
- Hiked into mountains teeming with werewolves on a full moon.
- Expected my friends to risk their lives over and over to keep my vampire boyfriend(s) alive.
This is the résumé of someone who has become a pro at making bad decisions. Which is exactly what Elena does when she continues to date not one, but two vampires. The icing on the cake though is the fact that because she willingly puts herself in danger again and again, in order to be near both Stefan and Damon, two actual monsters, she in turn becomes a monster herself.
The Vampire Diaries
In season 4, there’s a scene where Klaus Mikaelson, one of the original vampires who has been a vampire for over a thousand years, is having a conversation with Damon and asks, “How is it she (Elena) manages to overlook every horrific thing you’ve ever done? Is it willful ignorance, or perhaps something more pathological?” Damon’s response sounds like something a narcissist would say in a textbook, “Some people are just more capable of forgiveness than others.” Ironically, this conversation leads to Klaus asking Damon for advice on how to essentially trick Caroline Forbes into forgiving him for all the terrible things he’s done. It’s like a TED talk for men with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I wonder if there’s a dating app for people with BPD. Who am I kidding? All dating apps are for people with BPD.
So, what’s the takeaway here? Dating vampires is a really terrible idea. Especially if you’re human and in high school. I didn’t even touch on the fact that despite their youthful appearances, Stefan and Damon are over 145 years old. Each of them have had multiple sexual partners, long-term and short-term. They’ve traveled the world. Fought in wars. Lived several adult lifetimes. And, of course, they’ve acquired a huge kill count. To say that their obsessions and sexual relationships with a high school girl is inappropriate goes beyond understatement. Elena Gilbert’s life is an after school special wound in a soap opera, wrapped in a Grimm’s fairy tale. She is the poster girl for cautionary tales about abusive relationships with older men. Sexy, smoking hot, undead older men with murderous tendencies and volatile emotions. Even if they truly love you, as most romantic vampire fiction would have us believe, vampires make terrible boyfriends. They might be fun to date in the short-term, but when you make a habit of sleeping with monsters you run the risk of becoming one. After all, vampirism is contagious, much like an STD.
I’ve been loving this series! I never watched (or read, for that matter) The Vampire Diaries, and I’ve heard from others too that The Originals — the spin-off — was just as good if not better. I look forward to future posts!
I’m so glad you’re enjoying this series. I love writing it.