I am so excited! This year, for my resolution project, I’m rewatching the Star Wars franchise. I chose it because I love Star Wars, and I thought it would be fun to re-watch the movies in order of release date, with perhaps a bit more of a critical and appreciative eye than I have before.
This month’s installment: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
The Premise:
After the Republic’s victory on Christophsis, Anakin and his new apprentice Ahsoka Tano must rescue the kidnapped son of Jabba the Hutt. Political intrigue complicates their mission.
Spoilers for an 11-year-old film ahead.
What did I just watch? I don’t even know where to begin!
The title of this movie is The Clone Wars, so I would expect this was would be about the Jedi and the Republic warring with, oh, I don’t know, clones, maybe? They do at the beginning, until the inciting incident, which is the kidnapping of Jabba the Hutt’s son, whom Obi-Wan and Anakin must now rescue. The only thing that ties this plot to anything to do with clones and wars and clone wars is that the Hutt’s control outer planets of the Republic and both sides of the war need the Hutts as allies.
Because it is such a flimsy plot to hang a movie on, a bunch of sub-plots and complications and twists need to be thrown in. IMDb.com‘s trivia section for this movie says:
This movie is comprised of four episodes that were originally produced for the first season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008). Had they been shown as separate episodes, they would have had the following titles: “The New Padawan,” directed by Brian O’Connell, production number 118, Jedi fortune cookie: “To teach is to learn twice.” “Castle of Deception,” directed by Dave Filoni, production number 101, Jedi fortune cookie: “The wise Jedi does not trust appearances.” “Castle of Doom,” directed by George Samilski, production number 103, Jedi fortune cookie: “Nothing worth having is easily gained.” “Castle of Salvation,” directed by Dave Bullock, production number 104, Jedi fortune cookie: “The confidence we have in ourselves can easily give birth to confidence in others.”
The idea of this movie being four episodes smashed together helps make sense of it but it still feels like a desperate, hasty, badly thought-out plan to make money off of Star Wars fans.
Everything about this movie is a desperate money-grab. The creators, the producers, the distributors, all knew that putting the name Star Wars on anything would bring out the fan base.
The animation was terrible. I mean, it was fine for a 2008 video game, but not for a full-length, theater-release movie. Basically, I sat through a 90-minute binge of a TV show/non-interactive video game.
Let’s get back to the plot, though, because I’m so irritated by this. I actually don’t mind that Jabba the Hutt’s kid needs to be rescued. I don’t mind that both sides, represented by Count Dooku and the Jedi, respectively, use the kid’s rescue in a territorial battle. Of course, Dooku is the one responsible for the kidnapping in the first place and attempts to frame the Jedi for it. But then, but then! We find out that Dooku kidnapped Jabba the Hutt’s son with the help of Jabba’s relative, Ziro, who is smarmy, and so bizarrely, according to IMDb.com, modeled after Truman Capote. So Ziro wanted to help kidnap the kid because he wanted to be restored to the head of the Hutt clan, or something. It was a bit of a weird twist that kind of went nowhere. And it would have been soooo much better if Dooku had used this plot as an attempt to destroy the Jedi, not just win the Hutts as an ally. You might argue that had he won Jabba as an ally and he was on his way to destroying the Jedi, but Dooku was more like the villain at the end of a Scooby-Doo episode, whining about those “meddling kids” who foiled his plans, rather than someone intent on destroying the Jedi.
Ahsoka, Anakin’s padawan
Who else was involved in helping Anakin? Obi-Wan was there for part of it, mostly reduced to wise-cracks and one-liners. For some reason Anakin is given a padawan, who is a youngling, probably about twelve, and Anakin complains about how young she is. Never mind that he was younger when he started his Jedi training. And Padme Amidala shows up and is the one to uncover the collusion between Ziro and Dooku, proving to Jabba that Dooku and Ziro were behind the kidnapping, not the Jedi.
In conclusion: This was 90 minutes of my life I will never get back. At least the voice acting wasn’t as stiff as the live-action acting of Hayden Christensen. I’m looking forward putting these prequels behind me and moving on to the new stuff!
Up next: The Force Awakens
[…] Another spin of the wheel means another resolution — Resolution Project, that is! This time we have Sherry tackling her 2019 goal, to watch all of the movies of the Star Wars franchise in proper order. What’s the next film for Sherry to tackle? 2008’s CG-animated The Clone Wars, a spinoff film of the animated TV series comprising its first four episodes. How does that even work? And how does The Clone Wars work in the grand scheme of the Star Wars Universe? Check it out here! […]