My Favorite Things with Jeff Strand

They might not be raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens, but that doesn’t mean that we love them any less. Welcome back to My Favorite Things, the weekly column where we grab someone in speculative circles to gab about the greatest in geek. This week, we sit down with author Jeff Strand, whose latest young adult, punk rock novel, How You Ruined My Life, was just released last week!

What does Jeff Strand love when he’s not writing about the trouble teenagers get into? Spoiler alert: inefficient murder weapons, a black romantic comedy, tasteless flash fiction, funny but scary music, and a video game he’s both terrified and excited to play. Interested? Read on for more!

Short Film: The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon. I love jokes that are stretched to their breaking point. With one of my recent young adult novels, the editor made me cut out an entire chapter where a joke was extended far beyond the point of absurdity. So I was very much inclined to enjoy “The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon.” I contributed to the Kickstarter campaign for a feature length version, so every time I get an update (and every time I proudly wear my shirt) I’m reminded of this hilarious exercise in shameless ridiculousness.

Basically, this dude is being pursued by a relentless killer who is trying to beat him to death with a spoon. Not a giant spike-covered spoon — just a regular ol’ spoon. It takes a long time to beat somebody to death with a spoon. This silly gag starts off funny, and becomes progressively funnier as it goes on far past the point where any sane filmmaker would say, “Okay, enough already.” It’s also kind of disturbing; I mean, being slowly beaten to death with a spoon would truly suck, and there’s one moment in particular that won’t please viewers who have a “tooth thing.”

Since it’s a one-joke premise, obviously there would be no reason to watch it multiple times…but I’ve watched it multiple times. And I’ll watch it again.

TV Series: The End of the F***ing World. I’m not really a fan of binge-watching. When I discover a show that’s several seasons into its run, it can take me months to catch up. If you miss the latest episode of The Walking Dead, people are going to be discussing it, so it’s on you to avoid spoilers. But when all 13 episodes of a new season of Orange is the New Black are released at once, I’m enraged when Entertainment Weekly spoils the show for those of us who want to watch it at a reasonable pace. (And yes, posting about a “Shocking Death!” in a headline is a spoiler even if you don’t say who died.)

So I figured that the eight episodes of The End of the F***ing World would cover my Netflix viewing for a week, not a day. Obviously, the fact that these are bite-sized episodes of about 20 minutes each, less than even a standard half-hour show minus the commercials, helps with its binge-ability. But it’s really the fact that, oh, thirty seconds into this show I was completely hooked and didn’t want to be doing anything else with my life but watching The End of the F***ing World.

At first, it’s the pitch-black comedy that reeled me in. There’s no early effort to make our “heroes” likable — 17-year-old James kills animals but would like to upgrade to killing a human, so when his classmate Alyssa asks him to run away with her, he figures she’ll make a perfect victim. But though the show remains a dark comedy, the humor fades into the background as the story progresses, and I gradually realized that I was 100% invested in the fates of these two characters. It’s a show where I was desperately hoping for a happy ending even though that kind of resolution seemed impossible.

I love a good slow-burn serialized drama, but there’s also something to be said for the quick pace of this show, where every episode rockets the story forward. A twisted, funny, and surprisingly touching little story.

Book: Taste Level Zero by Todd Rigney. I discovered Todd Rigney’s work when I saw the movie Found, one of my favorite horror films of the past decade, which was based on his novella of the same name. I immediately ordered, read, and loved the source material. I also loved his weird-ass novella M’rth.

Taste Level Zero is a collection of flash fiction stories, and as you can guess from the title, these are not delicate tales of high literary value. If you have a moral compass, destroy it before you dig in. Like one of my favorite authors Michael Arnzen, Rigney is able to squeeze a jaw-dropping amount of “WTF?!?” into a very small space.

I do not recommend this book to everybody. In fact, I actively discourage its placement on the bookshelves of decent human beings. It’s sick, mean, and disgusting, but also inventive and often hilarious. If you haven’t already skipped ahead to my next entry, this book may be for you.

Music: Moana soundtrack. Pixar’s astounding winning streak slipped a bit when they decided that the world needed even more of Larry the Cable Guy, but Disney stepped up with this movie that was just as good as Pixar’s best efforts. The whole soundtrack is filled with catchy, clever earworms, but as a horror/comedy guy, I want to pay special attention to Jermaine Clement’s (as a giant evil crab) “Shiny.”

The song is one that burrows into your head and never, ever, ever leaves, but that’s not what makes it notable. It’s also not notable because it’s a musical number by a bad guy — there’s a long proud history of Disney villains singing about their wicked ways. Scar sings “Be Prepared,” Ursula the Sea Witch sings “Poor Unfortunate Souls,” and so on. What sets “Shiny” apart is that the song is laugh-out-loud funny and scary. The hilarity of the song can’t overshadow the fact that Tamatoa the Crab is going to eat a terrified Moana!

No, it’s not nightmare fuel like those frickin’ pink elephants on parade, but it’s genuinely funny and genuinely menacing.

Computer Game: Thimbleweed Park. I haven’t played this game. I haven’t even opened the app for this game. That would seem to disqualify it from the category of “my favorite things,” but I’m including it because of my intense desire to play it.

The problem is that I love, love, love computer adventure games, yet I lack the self-control to play them without becoming obsessed. As a full-time writer, playing computer games 22.5 hours a day (I assume I’d pass out eventually) is not conducive to getting any work done. So, like a recovering alcoholic who doesn’t keep booze in the house, my computer is almost 100% game-free.

Almost. My favorite computer game of all time is Day of the Tentacle, and the Secret of Monkey Island games aren’t far behind. So when Ron Gilbert, the guy who made those LucasArts classics, did a Kickstarter campaign for a brand-new game in the spirit of those classics, what was I gonna do, not contribute? That would be madness! Especially because it had the single greatest perk in the history of crowdfunding: absolution if you’d pirated one of his previous games. That’s right, for an extra five bucks, Mr. Gilbert would officially forgive your pirating sins and clear your conscience. Genius.

So I own Thimbleweed Park, and I know it’s going to be freaking awesome, and someday I will allow myself to play it.

Jeff Strand is the four-time Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of such books as Pressure, Dweller, Wolf Hunt, and Sick House. His latest novel is the young adult comedy How You Ruined My Life, available now at your local bookstore. Follow him on Twitter at @Jeffstrand and visit his website at www.jeffstrand.com.